Understanding Conflict

• “Oh, I don’t like conflict.”
• “I avoid it at all costs.”
• “Anything for a quiet life.”

For the person making these statements, there is a fear that conflict means anger, raised voices, relationships damaged forever and in some cases, even violence. So, there is no wonder they are never truthful about how they feel or about what they want. Neither will they disagree with a decision, or offer a view that is different from the person they are speaking to. They will allow themselves to be bullied and just go along with the status quo, which means they never get their needs met.

Except, for some, avoiding conflict will result in them being very manipulative and controlling so the message you get is,

“ If you force me into conflict you will be sorry; I will punish you for the foreseeable future and withdraw from you. Also, if I am forced into a situation of conflict, I will become exceptionally angry (which will be completely over the top and out of character for me) and it will be your fault. You should feel guilty for driving me to this. ”