What Assertiveness Looks Like

Following on from our previous blog post, ‘Improving Your Assertiveness’, we wanted to illustrate what being assertive looks like.

We know it can be daunting to think about if you’re not a naturally assertive person, that’s why we have also included some ‘Dos and Don’ts’ that you can try to incorporate into your everyday life.

Being assertive falls right in the middle of being passive and being aggressive. If you’re passive, you’ll never get to vocalise your needs; if you’re aggressive, you’ll look like a big bully and will likely be misdirecting your frustrations. However, if you’re assertive, you’ll be able to express your desires while respecting the needs of others, and you’ll have a better chance of getting what you want and deserve.

Here are a few scenarios where you can respond in an assertive manner:

Sample Assertive Responses

• The waiter forgets to place your order and your party waits 45 minutes for your food.

Ask to speak with the manager and explain that you’d like your meal discounted or a free dessert.

• The hem of your new trousers comes undone during the first washing.

Take it back to the store and request an exchange for a pair that won’t unravel.

• A neighbour’s dog barks incessantly at all hours of the day and night.

Tell them you would like them to find a way to silence their dog or at least bring it inside at night.

• Someone cuts in front of you at the store checkout.

Point out that you believe you have been waiting longer and should be next.

• Someone makes an inappropriate comment that offends or insults you.

Explain how their comment made you feel and ask them to stop talking like that.

• Your friend suggests a Chinese restaurant, which you hate, for the fourth lunch in a row.

Suggest another place you’d like to go instead and point out that the other place isn’t your favourite.

• Someone who was supposed to lend you something, or do you a favour, and they forgot about it.

Mention that you know they were probably just busy and failed to think about it, but you really do need (fill in the blank).

• A customer service employee won’t agree to your reasonable request.

Ask specifically what the company policy is on the issue and whether they, or a manager, can approve an exception, if necessary.