Introducing a new partner to your children

Separated parents often seem to be in a hurry to introduce their new partner to their children. This is driven by a need to move things on swiftly, get all their ducks in a row and harness the momentum created by the separation. However, this is the parents’ agenda coming to the fore, believing this will cement the relationship with their new partner and the children. It is in no way meeting children’s needs or acting in their best interests.

Emotional Minefield

Children will still be coming to terms with the implications of their parent’s separation. The introduction of a new partner will likely cause confusion, insecurity, anxiety, and sadness. Even if approached gently with sensitivity, kindness, and the passage of time, for children this will be an emotional minefield.

Allow time when introducing a new partner

The separation will have already involved emotional and practical changes which need to be handled with constant love, reinforcing stability and reassurance. Giving children time is crucial here. A general guide is to wait for at least 6 months, if not longer, to allow the children to process and accept the changes from the separation before they meet a new partner. At a time when their confidence and self-esteem maybe low, the introduction of a third party who has a special relationship with their parent will raise concerns about their own place in that parent’s life.

Being mindful of your children’s needs

Where do they fit in? Will that parent replace them too? The children need to be the sole focus of the parent’s attention. When it becomes appropriate to introduce a new partner, this piece of work needs to be done very carefully, gently and with both parents involved. As with all separation issues, children are the priority. Their needs are always paramount.”